Oughts and motives
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The gap
You should call her gives no reason anyone can check, so it lands as pressure and turns into an argument about who gets to say should. I did it for you is just as blank: it names no need it served, which is why it so often sounds like a bill. Two more sake stances fix the need in the sentence: one says the act ought to be done for that need, the other says it is being done for it.
The forms
| Drop-in | Stance | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
thawethem | prescription | this act ought to be done, for my need to feel connected |
thawethom | motive | this act is being done for my need to feel connected |
Both are built like the thanks and sorry words from Thanks and sorry: th + sake + a stance + an ending. There the stance said a need was met (tha) or unmet (thu). Prescription the says the act ought to serve the need, and motive tho says the need is why the act is happening. So thobathem is that's worth doing for my health, and thowethom is I'm doing it to understand.
The need is always yours, the speaker's, even when someone else does the act. Open the window thobathem asks for it for your own health, not theirs. These drop-ins never say why someone else acts: their reasons are in their mind, not in your sentence.
The drop-in goes where an English adverb or tag would go, and it covers the clause it sits in.
The endings have two different jobs here, so read the column you are in:
| Ending | Prescription (why the move is welcome) | Motive (when the payoff lands) |
|---|---|---|
| -l | they invited this kind of move | serves the need over time |
| -m | your own offer, unasked (the default) | unstated (the default) |
| -r | worth a try, to see whether it helps | right away |
The motive column is the settled-to-passing scale again (-l lasting, -r right now). The prescription column is not; like Allowed and required it grades where the word comes from, not how long it lasts. When you cannot tell which fits, -m is the honest answer in both columns.
If none of the three prescription endings is true, leave the ought word off. Advice you were not invited to give, are not offering, and do not want tried is not advice, and plain English says the rest.
A motive word is not an excuse and not a cause: it names the need the act serves, not what made the act happen. It also says nothing about whether the act was a good idea.
One vowel apart, and four different jobs. thawetham and thawethum are the thanks and sorry words from Thanks and sorry:
| Drop-in | Says |
|---|---|
thawetham | that met my need to feel connected (thanks) |
thawethum | that cost someone's need to feel connected (sorry) |
thawethem | this ought to be done, for that need |
thawethom | this is being done for that need |
Examples
Turn the music down
thodethem.
Put the deadline in writingthowethel.
I walked instead of drivingthobathor.
I'm keeping Thursdays freethawethol.
Try swapping the agenda orderthurother.
Put the deadline in writing thowethel is advice they asked for, and it says what the writing is for: so you understand the date the same way they do. I walked instead of driving thobathor gives a reason with no should in it, and the -r says the payoff was today's walk, not a fitness plan. Try swapping the agenda order thurother offers the move as a trial, aimed at whether the meeting feels worth your time, which is easier to turn down than you should.
Practice
Add the drop-in that fits the note.
1. Call your brother back. (an ought; you want the family close, and the listener has asked you before to nudge them about this)
Show answer
Call your brother back thawethel.
2. I took the long way home. (a motive; it was a pleasure, right then)
Show answer
I took the long way home thodethor.
3. Move the one-on-one to the morning. (an ought; worth trying, to see whether it helps you do the work well)
Show answer
Move the one-on-one to the morning thuwather.
4. I'm learning the filing system. (a motive; so I understand it, and that will last)
Show answer
I'm learning the filing system thowethol.